Signs you were NOT Abducted by Space Aliens

After exhaustive research, we have developed the top ten signs that someone was likely NOT a victim of extraterrestrial abduction.

1. You have alcohol on your breath.

2. The alien probe involved a condom.

3. You have a reality show deal pending.

4. Your prescription needs to be refilled.

5. The lost time involved making bail.

6. The marks left by the alleged aliens were scratch marks on your back or red welts on your neck.

7. There is paint transfer on your pick up truck.

8. The alien ship had a juke box.

9. The aliens spoke English.

10. Your prior lost time events did not involve aliens but were rich in detail while short on coherence.